While I was spinning during my workout at lunch I had the joy of watching Fox News and their glib updates regarding "Operation Iraqi Freedom." The one that peeked my interest stated that the UK/US would be broadcasting one hour per day to Iraq "News and Coalition Public Service Announcements."
I have done them the favor of writing their next PSA (with a little help from Jello Biafra).
"We interrupt this program with a special bulletin:
You are now under the control of the American and British Liberation Forces.
Stay in your homes.
Do not attempt to contact love ones, insurance agent or attorney.
We apologize if any or all of your family members have passed away in the last three weeks.
We must remind you that our bombing campaign was the most humane bombing campaign in the history of mankind.
We never intentionally target civilians or journalists.
Do not attempt to think or depression may occur.
Stay in your homes.
Curfew is at 7 PM sharp after work.
Please keep your children out of the minefields that Sadaam ringed round all oil rigs. Halliburton and KBR will have all fires put out and wells working proficiently soon enough.
Anyone caught outside of gates of their suveillance sectors after curfew
will be shot.
Remain calm, do not panic.
Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine samples in
the morning.
Anyone gaught intefering with the collection of urine examples will be
shot.
Stay in your homes, remain calm.
The number one enemy of progress is question.
Your security and the development of a moderate democratic republic is more important than individual will.
Stay tuned for future broadcasts and informational bulletins.
Proceed as normal.
No more than two people may gather anywhere without permission.
Use only the drugs described by your new American boss or supervisor.
Shut up, be happy.
Obey all orders without question.
The comformental mandor is now mandatory.
Be happy.
Like in America and Britain, everything is now done for you."
